UNd3RaG3 Th!nK!nG~I rant. You shut up and listen (read actually but whatever). Haha!

cram session

Tuesday, May 3, 2011 @ 5/03/2011 03:46:00 PM

Final cram session before my first paper. Somehow, I focus better on the last day. Strange, I know. Maybe I'm just not the kind of person that can sit all day at my desk revising if I have plenty of time before the exam. Probably my subconsciousness just knows I still have time. Then, the procrastination begins.

It's like a process, really. First, I'll study for some time. Then my brain starts to wander away and I'll go online or do something else that's counter-productive. That's the beginning of the procrastination stage. Why? It's all because I'll keep telling myself, another hour and I'll get back to studying but somehow I never do until it's past dinner. Then I'll study a little more and get distracted once again. The next time I look at the clock, it's bedtime and I tell myself I won't do it again the next day. Guess what? Same process starts all over again. Utter fail. *facepalm*

Anywho. Just stopped by today because I just realized something and I've got to document this down. Drumroll, please.

I skipped more classes in third year than I did in both first and second years combined.

In my defence, I'll admit that I was beginning to lose interest in studying.

Right then. Back to the books for me. I have to utilize the very little time I have left efficiently.

Loves.

Debbie

Thoughts before the final Finals

Saturday, April 30, 2011 @ 4/30/2011 01:25:00 AM

May 2011. Finals.

I'm worried and scared to death about it, yet somehow I still can't concentrate and focus on studying. I know that this should be the time when I have to give my all but I feel distracted and unmotivated. This is utterly bad for my aim off getting at least a second upper for my degree. And we all know how much that's going to mean to me if I do get it.

Frankly, I'm disappointed and annoyed with myself for getting distracted. Mainly because the distraction is from YouTube. Worse part of it all? I'm obsessing. Not only about Wong Fu Productions and their work- which is genius and awe-inspiring, might I add- but because of one of the trio from WFP. I'm beginning, no scratch that, I already am idolizing him. In the same way I idolize McFly and Dougie Poynter. As you remember clearly, I was on that fine line of crazy fan girl and creepy stalker.

I've been telling myself for days to forget about this mental infatuation, but to tell you the truth, it's extremely hard to stop. Especially when you think that their creations are just incredibly amazing and when these are the types of things that you truly appreciate from the bottom of your heart (woahhhh, getting kind of deep here). What's more? Watching all their videos are starting to encourage you to start searching for your dream.

So what can I do? Avoid the Internet and my laptop until my exams are over? Impossible to accomplish, seeing I still need my laptop and the Internet to get work done. Work meaning past year papers and research for my spanish film and literature module. So the best idea that I can actually come up with at the moment is to ignore Facebook and YouTube for the time being. It's going to be so damn hard but I've got no choice. Not going on those sites is easier than facing my own disappointment, and since I recently realized that I put the most pressure on myself, it definitely isn't going to be easy to live with me if I fail.

Hmmm. Guess I found something to motivate myself to study. Ooh! Bright idea! What WFP did/is doing is a great motivation for me, so I think I should be able to channel my strange obsession positively by using that energy to focus on studying instead of going all mental and watching their videos one after the other.

Alright. So far, this post has been a little emo and strange. In other news, I'm graduating soon! Not only that, I'm going home on June 4th! Also, I went for a Taylor Swift and McFly concert earlier this month. *big, silly grin*

On a side note, I think some self-improvements are in order. Many things I need to work on. These being my confidence, self-esteem and I do believe, it's time for me to grow up. Not that I'm going to become some boring adult who has no fun. I just think that maybe it's time I stopped looking at everything from a childish point of view and open my eyes to the bigger picture. Now, that's a challenge I'm really looking forward to. 'Course I can only start all this after exams are over, but no worries. I'll have plenty of time before I start working for all of these plans to take place. Oh yeah, baby. Debbie Yap has some big plans for herself. Trust me, it ain't going to be drastic changes. Just upgrades.

Right, then. Wish me luck for everything! Time for bed now. Tomorrow's going to be filled with sitting at my desk studying my brains away. G'night! Loves.

Debbie

midnight update

Monday, January 31, 2011 @ 1/31/2011 12:57:00 AM

I should be sleeping since tomorrow's Monday. But, I thought I might as well drop by. Did you miss me? *winks*

Classes have been alright, I guess. I've somehow managed to get through most of my assignments and presentations without much of a hitch. I'm just left with one last group assignment to do before it's all exams, exams and exams. Good luck to me!

Anywho. Chinese New Year is coming soon. February 3rd, if I'm not mistaken, and surprise surprise! My parents and sister will be around. Why, you ask? Since their trip to Egypt was cancelled due to the riots (hope it settles soon, and quick), and they wanted to leave the country, where else could they go? London. They arrive this coming Tuesday evening. Begin cleaning and tidying.

Well, at least it'll be nice to have family around for Chinese New Year.

Also, because I'm really proud of myself for being able to do it, I've been able to stick to one of my new year's resolution so far. Of course, it's one of those promises that're easy to keep. But I might fall off the wagon. So fingers crossed I stick with it.

This past month has been great. I've been feeling happier than I've felt in ages. I'm actually ticking stuff off of my wishlist. And life's been good. Thank you, God. (=

2011 is definitely my year. Loves.

Debbie

2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011 @ 1/05/2011 06:05:00 PM

Oh, hello forgotten blog. *winks* Happy new year!

Right. I'm too lazy to talk about my new year's resolutions so I'm totally skipping that part.

It's only the first week of the new year and I'm already stressing like mad. Two presentations coming up, Spanish oral, and Spanish grammar and vocabulary exam. Worst of all? I haven't started revising and I've not done anything for my presentations. Dying here!

But the funniest thing is? I feel so worried and nervous to the point of hyperventilating but I'm still taking my time and procrastinating away. As if I've got all the time in the world. Good grief!

Yeah, yeah. I should be doing something about it. And I am! My book's open in front of me right now. I'm just not paying any attention to it. What do you want me to do? I ain't got the mood for studying anymore.

The past few days, all I want to do is go home. But no. Can't go home because I'm stuck here with assignments to do and classes to attend. This sucks.

Oh well. I'm going to go find chocolate then stare at my book hoping I get some inspiration/motivation to finish my work.

Loves.

Debbie

FML

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 @ 10/19/2010 04:52:00 PM

Seriously. FML.

I know I really shouldn't be saying that. But I think I should have at least one day when I can curse the entire world and cry my eyes out.

Yeah. And I'm saying today is that day. I'm not going to rant about what's causing me to do this because it's really not that important if you compare it to the whole lot of worse stuff happening all over the world. But yeah. I'm going to be a damn selfish bitch today.

So I'm sorry if I offend anyone. I don't mean to. It's just for today, I promise. And tomorrow, I'll hopefully be back to normal where I won't be emotional and angry and self-pity myself. I won't complain. And I'll just squash everything back into that bottle again. But today, that bottle's got to overflow.

I miss home and my friends who I don't get to meet and talk to often. I miss hanging out with Fiza. I miss being in kindergarten with not a care in the world. I miss feeling extremely happy and the times when I did not have to keep all my negative emotions and thoughts in the back of my mind because I didn't have any.

I don't know what I want to do after third year. I have no idea what I really love doing. I don't know how to answer my parents when they ask me what's troubling me because I have no idea what is troubling me. I have so much emotions bottled up inside me that I can't even remember what they are anymore. But I know those feelings are still there. And it frustrates me to no end because I can't understand it so that I can help myself let go of what caused me to feel that way.

And oh, damn it all. God, why do you always turn my life back upside down when I think I've finally got it back on track? And I pray so hard that you'll give me hints or answers to help me. And I try my hardest to do what I should. Please, please, pleeeassseee help me.

Debbie

Homesick

Monday, October 18, 2010 @ 10/18/2010 11:40:00 PM

Oh yeah. For once in the three years she's been in London, she's finally admitting that she's bloody homesick.

Effing hell. I've only been back for, like what? Two weeks and I'm missing home already. Okay. So it's not as bad as when I first got here in first year. But feeling homesick in your first year would be normal. And this happened before. Back in fifth form.

Seriously? What is it about final years (excluding A levels) that makes me miss being at home so much?

Whatever. I don't want to think about this right now. I really don't. Right now I just want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow, ready for class and not feeling like crap.

G'night y'all. Loves.

Debbie

Love!

Saturday, October 9, 2010 @ 10/09/2010 12:25:00 AM

And this is one of the reasons why I love them so much. I doubt that you get what I mean. But I don't give a damn. This totally made my day. (=

Debbie